I do give a fuck. Lots of them, actually. But I try to be very selective about where I dedicate my fuck-giving energy. ( I also really love the word fuck, if you couldn’t tell).
When I was younger, I was a sensitive vessel of emotion. I cared so much about things that seemed important at the time but now I realize how little they mattered. Primarily, what people thought of me. I was a pleaser. I wanted everyone to like me. I said yes to things I didn’t want to do. I let people get away with treating me like shit. Repeatedly. I rarely stood up for myself or told people how I was feeling. I was weak. You know what happens when you appear weak? People feed off of it. After going through some really shitty things and taking WAY more than I should have, I broke. But it broke me in exactly the way I needed. I was D–O-N-E.
Something snapped in me and I remembered who the fuck I was. I changed my entire life. I moved to the place I was happiest. I was a single mom of 3 young girls. I had no money. I struggled. I mean, I realllllly struggled sometimes. But I was so happy. I ended relationships and friendships that didn’t feel good. I stopped doing things I didn’t enjoy. Sometimes that pleaser instinct would try to creep back in but I had to remember where I had been and how I never wanted to be back there. I took chances in my business. Changed my focus from things that were “safe” and put massive efforts in to what fed my soul. Boudoir. I rented a studio when I wasn’t even sure if I had enough business to cover my overhead. Best decision I ever made. Hired a makeup artist that I didn’t know, from a Facebook suggestion. Also, one of the best decisions I ever made for my business. The more chances I took, the happier I was. The happier I was, the more successful I became.
What’s the point of my story? Your soul knows what it needs. Pay attention. As soon as I stopped putting all of my energy in to things that drained me; the opportunities, blessings and meaningful relationships started flourishing. Stop running yourself ragged and take care of yourself. It’s ok to cut out the things that hurt. It’s ok to say no. It’s ok to be a little selfish sometimes. It’s ok to spend money on yourself. Or other people. Or your home. Or trips. It’s ok to take your sweet ass time with home renovations. (insert hand raising emoji). It’s ok to spend your free time soaking up every bit of your family instead of going out partying. It’s also ok to party with your adult friends if you need a break from momming. It’s ok to save your fucks for magical shit. Even if others can’t understand it.